In the past few weeks I’ve had a recurring nightmare that I have forgotten to give insulin. I don’t remember much of the actual dream but I wake up completely disoriented with my heart pounding and usually scoop up sleeping Olivia into my arms trying to clear my head and figure out what it is I’ve forgotten and who it is I have forgotten to given it to. Slowly, I realize that Olivia is in fact alive and fine and that it isn’t Olivia who needs insulin but Eliza. I quickly go over everything in my head: dinner shot- check, Lantus-check, blood sugar checks-check and my heart rate returns to normal and I can go back to sleep.
Until it happens all over again the next night….
Diabetes doesn’t sleep and it certainly appears to have found its way into my subconscious mind. I’ve always been an anxious person but aside from endlessly worrying that we’ve given Eliza Lantus instead of Novolog, hence the Lantus double-check, I haven’t been nearly as nervous as I thought I’d be about D overall. I can just hear my husband laughing.
Even though I rarely think about it during the day, the gravitas of caring for Eliza is clearly weighing heavily on some part of my mind at night.